Why Coaching?

My day started out like any other, with a hot tea and the morning news. I was cuddled on the couch with a blanket on my lap and the TV tuned to a local station, when the Morning Anchor broke the story that several unknown objects had landed in various locations around the world.

Curiosity motivated me as I opened the laptop and began to Google anything and everything I could about the unknown objects. I quickly learned that many international scientists believed that the objects were spacecraft of some kind and that as far as anyone could tell, there were no crash landings.

Unfortunately, no reports of alien sightings had been made, so there was no information about what, or who, may have been inside of the ships. The information about the spacecraft themselves was quite descriptive; small, shiny, and sleek, they were about the size of a VW Bug. There were no windows, and the handle-less doors were going to be a challenge to open. No-one knew if any occupants were inside, or if an unknown being had gotten out and was loose in the world.

Later, I got into a shower and began to mentally plan my day. I had a small group of ladies coming to my shop for a stress management class I had been running. We were four weeks into a twelve-week course, and I felt that we were all ready for a ‘fun’ day. I was going to re-introduce these women to playing and share some amazing ways that they could incorporate play in their daily lives as a way to manage some of their stress.

Just over an hour later, I was in my shop getting things set up for the class. The kettle was on for the women to make coffee or tea when they arrived. There were snacks set out in the kitchenette, and an instrumental music station was playing softly in the background.

I was completely in my happy place as I set out several unrelated and silly items around the room in preparation for our day of fun. The lesson was titled, ‘Permission to Play’. Years of living my life in Codependency had buried my own ability to be playful, and I am always eager to begin to share the things I have learned, as well as learning new things, as the students in the class begin to open up and share their own rediscovered fun sides.

I heard the bell over the door chime as someone entered the shop, and as I turned, I saw that a group of four women had arrived together. They were laughing and chatting together, and I smiled at the bond they had formed in the short time that we had all known each other. Two of the women had taken part in another series of classes earlier in the year, that were focused on understanding and building strengths (a self esteem building workshop). It was very pleasing to see friendships form during the classes, as I recognized the necessity of having community around us as we maintain our growth and healthy living.

As the last five ladies arrived for the class that morning, a tiny, scruffy looking cat darted through the door between their feet. I stepped forward to catch it, and Martha, a small woman with a quiet demeanor spoke up, “If there are no objections, I’d like the cat to stay. It’s cold outside, and we can share our space for a little while.”

No-one had a problem with it, and so our furry guest found a spot on a throw pillow in the corner and quietly curled up to rest while we went about rediscovering how to allow more fun into our lives.

One of the activities that I had planned for us that day was a reflection exercise. I asked that we all write three things on a piece of paper; 1) something that we had found fun in the past, 2) something that we find fun presently, and 3) something fun that we would like to try in the future.

As we shared our contributions, (I always participate, as I find my classes as beneficial for myself as for those who come together) there was much laughter and some very emotional sharing. As much as it sounds like it would be a morning filled with laughter and silliness, discovering how much we had been changed by life’s harsher experiences could be distressing. There were a couple of tears shed along with the laughter that morning. One of the reasons that I have clients who come back again and again is my ability to listen with empathy, and to convey my understanding of their struggles in a non-judgemental way that feels safe for them. They feel comfortable to share, and in speaking of their discomfort, they find that they can look at it differently. Hearing others talk about similar experiences gives some measure of comfort; knowing that one isn’t alone in feeling something somehow makes it easier to comprehend. And sharing ways that we cope with our experiences can give hope and strength to others.

A couple of times I recognized that my need for better time management had allowed things to derail slightly, and we were running beyond my planned schedule. As much as I know that the clients need time to share and to speak, I also understand that we must adhere to the schedule, or we can lose time for valuable information. Our card game of ‘Go Fish’ was cut from fifteen minutes to ten – but we still got to the basic understanding of how card games could help de-stress, which was something I felt was really important. Card games are an activity that most are able to participate in, and they really can help to get us into the here and now. Even a game of solitaire can soothe a weary mind.

After the class had wound up, the women all left and I locked the shop door. I was in the kitchenette washing the cups, when an odd little voice asked me, “Why do you do it?”

Startled, I turned around to see only the tiny cat standing a few feet behind me staring intently. I gazed nervously around the small shop, but there was no-one there who could have spoken. Believing that I must have simply thought I heard someone speak, I started to turn back towards the sink. The cat’s too-large-for-his-face eyes narrowed as it tilted its head. Again, it asked, “Why do you do it?”

My knees buckled slightly as I stepped back from something that made absolutely no sense to me.

“Cat?’ was all I could manage to say.

“No. It is the appearance I chose to wear today, so that I could move around unnoticed,” the cat spoke, “I am here to learn about the life-forms here, as are many of my kind who also arrived this morning.”

“Oh, okay. Much better that I am conversing with an Alien in my shop, than a cat who can speak,” I laughed nervously. I wanted to sit down, but the furry little cat/alien was blocking the only path to the cozy space where I held my classes.

As if I had spoken, the cat turned and walked to one of the armchairs and jumped up. Stretching out comfortably, it spoke again, “I overheard two of the other beings conversing about your gathering here. They seemed enthusiastic about seeing you, and so I felt it would be a good place to learn something about your life-forms.”

“Why do I do this?” I was still shaky as I sat in one of the other chairs, and started to speak. Once I started explaining my passion, I completely forgot that I was speaking to an speaking alien-cat and my words flowed easily, “Well, I have lived a life of poor decisions, traumatic moments, and absolute chaos at times. I often felt like I was a victim to other people’s bad behavior. There were times when I wondered what I was doing wrong and why other people seemed to have so many blessings in their lives.”

“I decided that I needed to figure out what I was doing that opened me up to being hurt and scared so often, while others seemed to have perfect lives. So, I began seeing a therapist, who helped me to dig around in my past but didn’t really give me much introspect to making changes to my future. It was helpful to see where my chaos began, however, I didn’t understand what I needed to do NOW to give myself a better life going forward.”

The cat’s large yellow eyes narrowed as he spoke again, “So, you are more knowledgeable now, and are having a perfect existence?”

I laughed, “No. I am much more self-aware, and I understand the basics of communication, stress management, and self-care. I still slip into negative thinking at times, and I do still make judgements on myself and others. The difference is that I am much more aware of it now, and each time it gets easier to be curious about things, to ask questions, and to be gentler. My life is not perfect. But it is SO much better than it was. And it will only keep getting better.”

“I took a class with several others on a similar journey. We shared our stories and our learnings, and we all learned new tools to help us be more authentic and resilient in life. I want to share what I learned with others who are also struggling. I know that I can make a difference, even if I'm only planting a seed that someone can nurture into their own growth.” I was speaking passionately, as I explained my own journey of self discovery, “Each time I lead a group, I learn from them. I learn better time management from missing my timelines. I learn more about relaxation and communication when I share new information with the others. And I learn more about myself from hearing others’ perspectives. My life isn’t perfect by any stretch, but it is perfectly perfect for me, right here and right now.”

My own curiosity got the best of me, and I had to know, “What is life like where you are from, and how is it different from here?”

The cat actually appeared to smile before it responded, “We have no coaches like yourself. Probably because we have mastered mind reading. When one being needs anything, another will step forward and make certain that it is given. We live in a much different culture – autonomy is non-existent because we are all one entity. When I watched you with your friends today, I was confused by the laughter and the tears. It isn’t something that we see, where I am from. We are separate entities only because The One has a need of us to travel to other places and learn. He is a voracious student with a need to be all powerful, and it is a very difficult task for The One to be all that they desire, without minions.”

“If you can read minds, as you did when I wanted to sit down just now, and as you say that you all have mastered, why did you want to have this conversation? You could have just stayed for the lesson and departed without me even knowing that you had been here.” I was puzzled by his actions.

His reply impacted me beyond measure, “When I heard you speak with your friends, and I felt your genuine empathy and warmth for them all, I wanted to spend a few more minutes in your presence. Living with The One who controls everything we do can be so empty, and it is rare to meet someone who truly cares about others and takes their time to ensure that others are ready to go forward before saying goodbye.”

In response to my unspoken question, he replied, “I cannot stay here with you. As much as I would truthfully enjoy it, I cannot stay in this form and my true form could not survive on your planet for long. I will take with me all that I learned from you today and keep it with the memory of our time together. It will be a wonderful keepsake to fill my empty moments.”

With that, he stretched and then jumped to the floor. He walked to the door, meowed to be let out and rubbed against my leg as I opened the door.

I know that I will always cherish the memory of our conversation. I have a clearer understanding of my purpose and the importance of what I do.

Now I want a kitten.